If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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