i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
