Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
