a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
