he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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