I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
