i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
