If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
