Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
