we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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