Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
