If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
