guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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