I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
