I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
