He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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