U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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