I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
