I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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