ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
