I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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