so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
