Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
