Whoa Z and x make the same sound
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
