Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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