I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
