Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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