so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
