Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
