i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
