I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
