I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
