left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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