Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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