If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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