I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
