He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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