You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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