Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
