enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
