oh god the rape fog is back!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
