Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
