You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
