dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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