so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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