I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
