if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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