i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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