I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i would punch a child for taco bell
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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