birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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