I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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