Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
