Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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